When a teenager 16/17 had a girlfriend, emacipated adult, who got beat up by a boyfriend. My freinds, mostly guys, and I immediately looked to help - she was very reluctant to do anything wanted to pacify and keep status quo. Our response, if she was going to hang with us that was not acceptable, who was calling the cops her or us? Ah.. the guys had a one on one with the boyfriend while she called the cops. We arranged alternate living arrangements til she got on her feet.
8 years ago on visit to SoCA a girlfriend had just gotten into a set to with her husband prior to my arrival, this was an ongoing thing I had never seen first hand. Sat down and spoke with her - what does she want talk, options, help, what is she going to do? She had a 9 month old son. We talked. My thoughts - I could not force her to make a break, call cops etc. she had to see the light and make a move. While she considered her options she asked me to stay with her. I slept on the floor in front of the front door - he wasn't getting in on my watch. Well he came home drunk, pissed off and scared - he didn't like me: and I think tuned into witnesses would not cotton to his take on things. Well, didn't take long before he went physical - skimmed a hit to my face I turned away from incoming fist and the punch finished down on my shoulder and upper arm. Perfect - I called the cops, pressed charges and flew back to SoCal 7 months later to testify against him. I wanted charges on file for the son and mother, I could not force mother to do anything but I would not and could not live with myself without showing the son and husband this was not acceptable behaviour and that someone would and could do something about it. They got divorced. Mother still finds abusive environments, Father/Husband still drinks. The son while in mother's or father's custody has scheduled/expected and unexpected drop ins from family, extended family and freinds regularly. Again, no one can force the right behavior but we do insure the son and parents get exposure to healthiers relationships and environments. (The husband is 6.4 and I am pushing 5.2 he is really scared of me - go figure the confident application of the rules is sometimes mightier than the fist!)
Brenda - I think these stories reiterate your writing - no confidence, no self esteem, no money, wanting the promise of what could be...... I also think that Tom's examples still apply - think think think - when is this behavior towards you the battered acceptable - never!!! You really do not know this person - the known person is a stranger - fight or flee. Katrina shows - your life is first all other things can be replaced or refound. Take care of number 1 then you can take care of others. I think then we come back to Tom's example of the path of least resistance is easier than facing the unknown alone or with little kids. i.e. easier to give up/quite. I am putting words into his mouth now - the concept of keeping the status quo for these situations for Tom is a no brainer. The punch thrower would be cargo, I would guess out cold cargo, and he would be gone.
Still easy for someone who knows this and feels it over someone who doesn't know it or feel it as you point out.